Jessica Koth struggles to tell her daughter where daddy is.

Russ and Ree know all too well where their son is going. Their other two as well.

Steve Koth, Jessica’s husband and father of two young children, is in California with fellow Marines prepping for his fourth tour of duty in Iraq.

Jessica posted a message on the Marine Moms Online Web site.

"OK, when does this get easier?"

She got hundreds of responses.

"Ninety-five percent said a fourth deployment? Are you serious?"

It’s just as serious for Russ and Ree Koth of Slinger. Their youngest son, Andy, is already in Iraq with the Army for his third deployment. Their oldest son, Phil, is in Florida prepping to go with the Milwaukee unit of the National Guard for his first trip.

The oldest brother has at least one bragging right over his younger siblings.

"He’s a rookie but he’s also the highest ranking officer. First Lieuten-ant," Russ said.

As far as tours of duty go, this one ranks differently with dad.

"I don’t know why, it just seems to have just hit me a lot differently this time than the other ones," Russ said. "I’m not sure if because it’s all three sons this time."

One difference is families. While Andy is single, Phil is married with a 23-month-old son. Steve is married with two children.

"It’s different when they were single," Russ said.

Jessica said her 14-month-old son doesn’t yet understand but her 2-year-old daughter wonders.

"She’s always asking ‘Where’s daddy?’" she said. "At that age, you don’t really know how to explain it to them."

Jessica sometimes has a hard time comprehending it herself.

"I have my moments. I keep it together when he's around. I don’t need to be falling apart on him," she said. "I cry to myself once the kids are in bed."

It doesn’t help that Steve, a machine gun section leader, always ended up in the hotspots - Baghdad, Fallujah and Ramadi. Once he lost one of his best friends in a fire fight.

"That really affected him," Jessica said.

Still, when Steve’s four years were up after his third deployment and the couple were living in Virginia, he made the decision to re-enlist and make the military a career. Jessica just found out she was pregnant with their first child, a common occurrence soon after soldiers return home to their wives.

Jessica said Steve partly joined for health insurance for his family - no insurance company would pick her up because pregnancy was considered a pre-existing condition - and because he wanted to become an officer. He taught officers while in Virginia. Jessica described Steve’s sentiment.

"I want to make sure there’s really good leadership going on. I want to be a contributing factor. I want to make a bigger difference," she said. "He saw the difference he could make in instructing people and showing them how to do their job," Jessica said.

Jessica is doing her own teaching of sorts. She has been able to help moms freaking out over their husbands’ first tours of duty. She reminds them of the war’s earlier days when letters were the only way of communicating with Steve. Now, e-mail and phones are more accessible.

"Trust me. This is nothing for communications," she said.

Other conditions have also improved.

"The first time he was there they were digging holes and sleeping in holes," Jessica said. "It’s nice hearing from Steve when he would call me ... things are really good. There’s electricity. They have hospitals up and running. Schools are up and running again. There’s clean drinking water. I think we’re lucky to live where we are. People take those things for granted."

One key to coping is getting your mind off of it, she said.

"Really staying busy. If you sit and dwell on it, it makes it worse. Then all your thoughts run through your head."

To help herself cope, Jessica recently moved back to West Bend from California to live with her parents. She thought it would be easier to be around family. Then Steve called from Camp Pendleton.

"It was 89 degrees. I really did not want to hear that. Thanks for sharing," she said.

For Russ, the mixture of pride and worry is hard to balance. He has hundreds on an e-mail list to update family and friends of how the boys are doing.

They worried about Steve the most, always in the most dangerous situations, but Russ is happy fighting in Iraq has calmed down.

"I’m not as worried about it as I would be six months ago," he said.

He and Ree leave their worries to a higher power.

"Lots of prayers," Russ said.

For human comfort, Ree is on Marine Moms Online - she’s the one who got Jessica on it - and Proud Army Moms.

Friends, family and co-workers, church and other groups help often, Russ said.

"People in the community who have heard about our situation - at office, always asking how sons are doing and saying we’re really praying for you," he said. "That kind of stuff really makes a difference."

In the meantime, their sons are planning a reunion.

"They were kind of hoping they would have a chance to see each other over there," Russ said.