that time of year ó right around April Foolís day ó when
I get to share some of the corny jokes brought my way this
past season. Prepare yourself. And thanks (I think) to those
of you who contributed these groaners:
walks into the emergency room with a carrot poking out of one
eye. A zucchini is shoved up his nose. A banana is pushed into
his ear. The doctor examines him and says, "Nurse! This
man hasnít been eating properly!"
cannibal says to his friend, "I donít like my
friend replies, "Thatís ok, just eat the noodles."
walks into a doctorís office and the receptionist asks him
what he has.
says, "Shingles." So she writes down his name,
address, medical insurance number and tells him to have a
minutes later, a nurseís aide comes out and asks Kevin what
said, "Shingles." So she measures his height and
weight, takes a complete medical history and tells Kevin to
wait in the examining room.
hour later a nurse comes in and asks Kevin what he has.
says, "Shingles." So the nurse takes his blood
pressure, draws a blood sample, and tells him to take off his
clothes and wait for the doctor.
later the doctor comes in and finds Kevin sitting patiently in
his underwear. He asks Kevin what he has.
the doctor asks.
says, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to
walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey." The
horse says, "You read my mind, buddy."
goes into a car dealership and tells the salesman he wants to
buy the fancy sports car on display in the showroom. "And
Iíd like you to paint a big red ĎSí on the hood,"
course we can that for you, sir," the salesman assures
him. "But do you mind telling me the reason for the ĎSí?
want to pass everyone on the street," the snail replies,
"and hear them say ĎWow! Look at that S-car go!!!"
A man is
seated at a restaurant. He studies the menu for a few minutes
and asks the waiter, "How do you prepare your
waiter looks at him and says, "We tell them straight up
theyíre not going to make it."
and a priest meet at their townís annual picnic. Old
friends, they begin their usual banter.
baked ham is really delicious," the priest teases the
rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know itís against
your religion, but I canít understand why such a wonderful
food should be forbidden! You donít know what youíre
missing. You just havenít lived until youíve tried Mrs.
Hallís prized ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when will you break down
and try it?"
rabbi looks at the priest with a grin and says, "At your