Quinn on Nutrition: Just for fun

March 31, 2014

Itís that time of year ó right around April Foolís day ó when I get to share some of the corny jokes brought my way this past season. Prepare yourself. And thanks (I think) to those of you who contributed these groaners:

A man walks into the emergency room with a carrot poking out of one eye. A zucchini is shoved up his nose. A banana is pushed into his ear. The doctor examines him and says, "Nurse! This man hasnít been eating properly!"

A cannibal says to his friend, "I donít like my mother-in-law."

His friend replies, "Thatís ok, just eat the noodles."

Kevin walks into a doctorís office and the receptionist asks him what he has.

Kevin says, "Shingles." So she writes down his name, address, medical insurance number and tells him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later, a nurseís aide comes out and asks Kevin what he has.

Kevin said, "Shingles." So she measures his height and weight, takes a complete medical history and tells Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse comes in and asks Kevin what he has. 

Kevin says, "Shingles." So the nurse takes his blood pressure, draws a blood sample, and tells him to take off his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor comes in and finds Kevin sitting patiently in his underwear. He asks Kevin what he has. 

Kevin said, "Shingles." 

"Where?" the doctor asks.

Kevin says, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload Ďem?"

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey." The horse says, "You read my mind, buddy."

A snail goes into a car dealership and tells the salesman he wants to buy the fancy sports car on display in the showroom. "And Iíd like you to paint a big red ĎSí on the hood," he says.

"Of course we can that for you, sir," the salesman assures him. "But do you mind telling me the reason for the ĎSí? 

"I want to pass everyone on the street," the snail replies, "and hear them say ĎWow! Look at that S-car go!!!"

A man is seated at a restaurant. He studies the menu for a few minutes and asks the waiter, "How do you prepare your chicken?"

The waiter looks at him and says, "We tell them straight up theyíre not going to make it."

A rabbi and a priest meet at their townís annual picnic. Old friends, they begin their usual banter.

"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teases the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know itís against your religion, but I canít understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You donít know what youíre missing. You just havenít lived until youíve tried Mrs. Hallís prized ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when will you break down and try it?"

The rabbi looks at the priest with a grin and says, "At your wedding."


McClatchy-Tribune Information Services